Breaking up is hard! But have you ever received, said, or thought something like this or something of the sort when a relationship or partnership ends? 

  • “It’s probably good that you left.”
  • “It’s probably better that you are leaving.”
  • “It’s probably better you go.”
  • “It wasn’t working out anyway.”

What’s going on here?

Well…a few things. It can be one or all of the following reasons.  

  1. A wound is “talking.” The person (or you) feels rejected. So they self-protect by deflecting the pain with verbal and non-verbal walls. These kinds of comments and thoughts are the result. They are the clue to you and them that there’s some work to be done. 
  2. Pride is rising. These comments are rooted in pride. How? Well, pride self-protects. These kinds of comments and thoughts are a form of self-protection. I reject you before you reject me. 
  3. They are taking a shot at you. It’s a verbal punch in the nose or mouth. You’ve hurt them. So they want to hurt you back. 

Is it on purpose? Sometimes. And sometimes, it comes from a deeply wounded place in their past that slips to the surface. In this case, it’s very likely a fragmented part of the heart that they haven’t healed. It slips out before they know it or don’t even realize they’ve said it. They react rather than respond. 

Note: Reactions rather than responses are often good signs that we may have a wounded part in the “driver’s seat.”  

What do I do next?

Now that we know what it is, what do you do? 

Ker-Pow! The Counterattack

If you are one catching the jab or upper cut, recognize that this could be a wound talking or intentional. You could say,

“Wow. That felt really hurtful/harsh. What did you mean when you said ____________?” 

Asking this will redirect them to think about it and clarify it for you. You’ll know pretty quickly by the response if they intended to “dot your eye” with it or if the wound was “talking.” 

If you are uncomfortable asking, pray for their heart and healing. But sometimes people don’t realize they are doing it, so it could be a revelatory moment for them to consider. 

Time for the Heart Work

If this is you doing and saying these things, or you’ve been hurt by someone who has, it’s time to do some heart work.  

Repent. Repent for bitterness and judgment in your heart toward those who have rejected you. 

Forgive. Forgive and release the people who rejected you, including the current person. Name the people if you can. “I choose to forgive and release ______. for_________.”

Release. Identify your judgments about them (or others) for rejecting you. Release them from the judgments you’ve made. 

Restore. Bless those who have hurt you. Pray and release blessings over them. It will reconcile your heart and their heart back to the Father. 

So whether you’re on the receiving end of one of these “verbal punches” or the one squaring up to deal the blow, you’ll know what to do next.  

Fun Fact!

The word reconciliation in Hebrew is #3722 and is the Hebrew word kaphar (kaw- far). It means to condone, make an atonement, cleanse, forgive, and pardon.

The word reconciliation in Greek is #2643 and is the Greek word katallage (kat-al-lag-ay). It means restoration, divine favor, or atonement.

Breaking Up is Hard

There are no two ways about it. Breaking up is hard regardless of whether you are leaving or being left. It’s probably why so many people ghost people when they want to leave. Or text.

But that’s why it’s so important to HAVE THE CONVERSATION when breaking up or the relationship status changes. Remember…

  • Ghosting or text breakups = immaturity & dishonor
  • Face-to-face or phone conversations = maturity & honor

We want to be moving toward honor and maturity in all our relationships, present and the ones we are leaving behind.

Thank you for reading. I pray this was helpful to you. Don’t forget to subscribe to my blog before you leave so you don’t miss the next one. Be blessed!